Posted by: Martin Scherer | 25/04/2011

Racism Murders Midsomers Nights

Racism murders mid-summer nights.

I find it strange that many Americans know more about British TV than I do.

A US friend invited us to dinner, and then promptly sat down to watch TV. Strange I thought, but when in Rome. On came a BBC series, Torchwood, of which they were avid fans, but I had never of, despite being filmed in streets of my hometown in the UK.

Americans even watch series that bored the pants of me, like ‘Upstairs, Downstairs’, and ‘Are You Being Served’. Sorry to say but those series are so old most of the actors are dead. I never saw ‘Darling Buds of May’, which gave birth to Catherine Zeta Jones’ career, or the current ‘Dr. Who’. I get fed up with BBC News 24, as it gloats over the latest human catastrophe. I’ve never seen the Agatha Christie imitation, ‘Midsomer Murders’, which has been running on ITV for fourteen years and looks set to run another twenty.

I am hooked on US series like ‘Boston Legal’, ‘Simpsons’, ‘The Good Wife’ and now ‘$h*! My Dad Says’. I get deeply frustrated when I return to the UK to find British TV is showing episodes I’ve already seen in the US.

Given Americans avid consumption of traditional British series, I’m astonished when American friends e-mail me to sympathise that the UK is being over-run by Muslims. Take a twenty-minute drive out of any major British city and you will be lucky to spot a black face let alone a Muslim. British country towns and villages are 99% white.

Given that reality, you might not be surprised the fictional TV town of Causton has never seen a black face in the last fourteen years. A town where aging, awfully decent, middleclass English people with plumb accents ride around in 1940’s sports cars under cloudless summer skies. Yet this ‘typical’ English town has endured more violent murders than downtown Detroit. Over 222 bodies have littered the streets. Get real.

Midsomer Murders is produced by Mr. True-May. No, I did not make that up. The writers enjoyed their puns – Midsomer – in place of the glorious mid-summer months of perpetual May and June. If you are into detective fiction, no doubt you enjoyed the Miss Marples clue in the name of the town – Causton, the cause of all the murders! The producer must be a true-May person but believe me that is his real name.

Mr True-May has been sacked. Why? Because he publicly said the show does not have black actors because it just wouldn’t be a British country town. That may be true, Mr. True-May, true in fiction and reality but you should not say it. To say the truth is a breach of the multi-ethnic myth perpetuated by all British politicians for the last fifty years. It is an offensive racial slur to tell the truth, Mr True-May.

I don’t make this up. I swear. Rather than defending the obvious, TV executives ordered a search for contrary evidence. Of the 942 actors and 22,000 extras, a small town population, who appeared on the series in 14 years, they found one black extra. He appeared for all of six seconds, in the background. He did not kill anyone, he was not a suspect, he wasn’t smoking weed, and did not wear a hood or Rasta hat. Not doubt a tourist, brought by his wife, to experience the quaint English habit of afternoon cream tea. I cannot see any other reason he should want to be in a sleepy, snooty town of mindless busy-bodies. I certainly would not want to be there, that is why I’ve never seen the series, and I doubt it has much of a black following.

No doubt Mr True-May was so sick of 14 years of claustrophobic nonsense that he decided his only escape was to commit political suicide.

And you thought Charlie Sheen had gone off his rocker.



  1. An American lady e-mailed:

    love midsomer murders…am watching the last episodes now..did read about the uproar of no blacks …tho didn’t know brian was sacked..tsk tsk.

    Damn phony liberals.

    I guess she’s a republican

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